Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
