The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I met the friendliest cop last night
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
