did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
