I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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