that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
