I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
