I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
