never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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