How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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