Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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