i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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