i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
