if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
