I can tuck mytits in my pants
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
