I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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