so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
