Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
