I'm really into asian looking animals
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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