Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
