just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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