oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
