..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
