i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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