mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
