I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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