i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
