Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
