I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
