i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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