just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
