I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
