i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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