It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
