we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
