I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
