i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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