i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
