if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
