Don't make out with my wife yet
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
