And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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