where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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