were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
