Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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