I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
