is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
