I can't watch pbs sober anymore
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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