He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
