Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
