sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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