Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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