He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I have post one night stand depression
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